Episode 34 - Twilight
Twilight is a 2008 supernatural fantasy/romance film--the first in the absurdly popular Twilight franchise. It is notable for taking a gigantic, steaming shit all over vampire lore, as well as its utterly insane fangirls that easily trump the ''Saw'' franchise's and the ''Transformers'' franchise's for most rabidly apologetic film fanbase in all of existence. At the time of recording, it also obliterated the record for most Courtneys ever seen in a Tiradesverse movie, previously held by ''Birdemic''. (This record has since been broken numerous times.) Plot 80 minutes of stalking, staring and mouth-breathing, followed by 35 minutes of stalking, staring, mouth-breathing, and frantic driving. Notable Characters *Bella Swan *Edward Cullen *Charlie Swan *Carlisle Cullen *Alice Cullen *Esme Cullen *Jasper Hale *Rosalie Hale *Emmett Cullen *Jacob Black *Victoria Sutherland *James Witherdale *Jessica Stanley *Eric Yorkie *Mike Newton *Laurent The Episode *This episode is the second to feature a guest co-host (Hannah Krueger). The first was Episode 26 - The Crow: Wicked Prayer (Michael David Sims). *Amazingly, it is the first romance movie the hosts ever covered Scores James - Belladonna Damien - "O"-face Hannah - Ennui Highlights *Bella smells like a peanut butter and banana sandwich left on the dashboard of the car all day *The stuffed armadillo is more enthralling than Bella *The discussion of the Bella perfume that actually exists *"Hey, do you want to smell like dirt fucked by a hobo? Try patchouli!" *Hannah gives a rather blunt, but truthful summation of the Eric character *Mormon fuck fantasy *Damien ponders what the hell anyone would write about Bella in a school newspaper *Hannah sings a little Katy Perry *James loses his shit while talking about one of Bella's pointless voiceovers *She didn't know what the rapists were thinking about?!?! *The Cullens see themselves as vegetarians because they only survive...on animals... *Charlie has the only funny moment in the movie *Thunder baseball *''Twilight'' dildo...? *"I did this to a duck once." *"With ducks, this is appropriate." References *''Transformers'' *''Revenge of the Fallen'' *''Dark of the Moon'' *Tenacious D *''Big Damn Heroes'' *''Firefly'' *''Breaking Dawn Part 1'' *''Breaking Dawn Part 2'' *''Eclipse'' *''I Know Who Killed Me'' *''A Talking Cat'' *Joan Jett *Radiohead *Muse *''Alone in the Dark'' *Lacuna Coil *Linkin Park *''Final Destination 2'' *Tony Todd *Tommy Wiseau *''Xenogears'' *''Dead or Alive'' *Shia LeBeouf *''Even Stevens'' *''The Truman Show'' *John Tesh *''Mean Girls'' *Forever 21 *Michelle Rodriguez *''The Last Airbender'' *''Deliverance'' *''South Park'' *George Carlin *Nicolas Cage *James Franco *Animotion *The Lonely Island *''Showgirls'' *Cards Against Humanity *JK Simmons *''Catwoman'' *''Zoolander'' *''Dracula'' *Superman *''The Crow: Wicked Prayer'' *''Troll 2'' *''Zardoz'' *Katy Perry *''Birdemic'' *''Rocko's Modern Life'' *''Godzilla'' (1954) *Godzilla *''Murder-Set-Pieces'' *Ghost Rider *Flock of Seagulls *''The Wicker Man'' *Little Red Riding Hood *Brock Lesnar *''The Legend of Chun-Li'' *Old Spice *Dr. Doom *''A Christmas Story'' *''Super Troopers'' *The X-Men *Reptile *''West Side Story'' *Billy Joel *''Speak'' *''Star Wars'' *''Bloodrayne'' *''Dragonball Evolution'' *''Godzilla'' *''Godzilla: The Cartoon'' *Mechagodzilla *''Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla'' *''Stargate'' *''Godzilla vs Mothra'' *''Power Rangers'' *''Scooby Doo'' *''Silent Hill Revelations 3D'' *''Harry Potter'' *''Crank'' *''Shoot Em Up'' *''Brokeback Mountain'' *''Platoon'' *''Look Who's Talking 2'' *''Lost in Space'' *''The Simpsons'' *''The Expendables'' *''Jurassic Park 2'' *Puff Daddy *''Black Christmas'' *''The Terminator'' *Michael Bay *''MST3K'' *Reb Brown *Captain America *''Space Mutiny'' *The Razzies Tiradesverse tropes *Protagonists? - Bella, Edward, Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper *Real protagonist - Charlie *Center of the Universe - Bella, on the most epic level ever seen in cinema *Courtney - Victoria, Laurent, Emmett, Jasper, Billy, Mike, Tyler, Jessica, and Eric *Amber - Esme, Angela *Unnecessary voiceover - repeatedly *SYMBOLISM!!! - **The half-assed attempt at foreshadowing with the opening voiceover **Edward catching the apple in the lunchroom *Box of kittens - James *Clusterfuck Syndrome *High School High *Walking Pile of Sad - Edward *Plot convenience - **Every single time Bella or Edward stare at each other, the other one will always look up at them as if they knew the other was staring **Edward zooms into the parking lot to save Bella from being raped just in the nick of time **Bella and Edward hurriedly drive by a diner as all of Bella's school friends leave (in slow-motion) just so the filmmakers can try to fool us into thinking Bella gives two shits about any of them **"Bella, you fell down two flights of stairs and through a window and broke your leg. We'll completely ignore the fang wounds on your wrist, though." *Individual villain introduction *MacGuffin Disease - The vampire "venom" that infects Bella's body at the end *Instant Love - Duh. *Needlessly cryptic - Anything involving the discussion of vampires before Bella finally finds out about Edward Ending song Before and After Previous episode: Episode 33 - Godzilla (1998) Next episode: Episode 35 - Yor, the Hunter from the Future Category:Episodes Category:Fantasy films Category:Romance films Category:Twilight Category:2008 films